The Hard Days in Marriage
It seems like when Ben and I are both tired or stressed, we are more likely to have conflict. 2020 has been a year, hasn’t it?!?! When we first got married, conflict was messy for us. And even though we have learned some tools, it can still be hard.
We try to remember that we are both coming from different places/backgrounds with different opinions and different emotions. We can ask ourselves these questions: “Are my expectations reasonable? Am I trying to get my way? Am I willing to listen to another perspective? And then we can make the shift to... I want to get to peace more than I want to win.
We try to remember if we can get to an open and honest dialogue, we are more likely to work through the issue. These things can make it feel unsafe and impede dialogue ...using harsh tones, speaking hurtful words, giving glaring looks, shutting down and escalating. If one of us starts to shut down or if one of us starts to escalate, we may need a time out.
We try to remember to be careful with the story we tell ourselves about each other.
The enemy wants us to focus on our mate’s weaknesses/flaws. We can replace that with a positive story about our mate. “My husband is a good & reasonable person & he matters to me.”
Putting this into action is not easy. It takes lots of practice. If you would like more tips checkout Crucial Conversations.
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